Banish the Dark Thoughts! There is No Room for the Monkey on your Back.

Simply put, there are two parts to getting better. One is physical and the other is emotional.

Physical - Making a decision about your treatment. Don't put it off!

Get 2 or 3 second opinions, or as many as you need to make and be comfortable with the decision. Yes, you will find many doctors that are qualified but ultimately, you need to be comfortable and trust the physician you are choosing to take care of your life. Nobody else will care more about your health than you,  so take charge, make a decision and then deal with the emotional aspects.

Emotional - It's just as important as the physical aspect. 

The physical part can be hard but you may find the emotional part extremely difficult to deal with as well. I was so sad, scared and felt so alone. Sometimes I would wake up in the night out of a deep sleep completely terrified.

Fortunately, I realized that the emotional part was totally up to me to fix. That was really hard to grasp because I wanted someone, something, to fix it for me. You have to realize that your family is going through something different than you and have their own issues dealing with the effects of illness. They really didn’t understand what I was going through,  just as I didn’t know what they were going through. 

I had done what I could do for my physical being but nothing for my emotional well being. I knew I was an emotional mess and needed help. There are many wonderful support networks to reach out to for comfort. Seek them out. They help.

  • Religious guidance

  • Counselors at hospitals

  • Transcendental meditation

  • Mindful mediation

I realized I needed to find something to hold on to in order to stay positive and stay away from 'the dark side.' As hard as it can be, try and look to the positive because losing yourself to your darker emotions will only bring more fear, more bad feelings, and possibly a poorer prognoses.

At this point, it feel like I will never know if I have been cured. Each day, I only know that I have been told I not am sick. That old phrase of 'having a monkey on your back' comes to mind. He is always present, trying to remind me that I am in remission. He may live on my back for the rest of my life, but I do my best to keep him at bay.

Find a way to banish dark thoughts as soon as they come, there is no room for the monkey.